What does it mean to be regulated?
Regulation is a hot topic, especially when it comes to children. Many families want their child to “be regulated” or “improve their emotional regulation.” But here’s the challenge: regulation is a broad term that can mean different things depending on who you ask. This creates a real problem because how we understand and approach regulation directly influences how we support and intervene.
A common misconception is that regulation simply means being calm. While calmness can be a sign of regulation in some situations, it’s not always the case. For example, calmness is important when you’re trying to fall asleep. But if you’re playing football and need to score the winning goal, being calm would actually be counterproductive! In that scenario, you need energy, focus, and action—not a sleepy, relaxed state.
So, what does it mean to be regulated? The answer depends on the situation and the task at hand
Here’s a simple definition
“A regulated person can manage their thoughts and actions, so they’re in the best state to handle whatever tasks they need or want to do.”
Breaking Down Regulation: I AM
To understand regulation more clearly, let’s break it down into three major components. You can remember these with the simple acronym I AM:
⭐ Identify
⭐ Adapt
⭐ Maintain
1. Identify 🔎
The first step in the regulation process is being able to identify your own internal state. If you can’t recognise how you’re feeling physically or emotionally, it’s tough to know when you’re “regulated” or not. For example, a child might not realise they’re becoming overwhelmed or stressed until they “explode.” Similarly, it’s important to identify the demands of the task or the environment. For instance, if it’s bedtime, you need to recognise that the task requires a more relaxed, calm state in order to succeed.
2. Adapt 📈
Once you’ve identified your internal state and the demands of the situation, the next step is to adjust your state—either by up-regulating (getting more energised) or down-regulating (calming down) to match the task. For example, if it’s bedtime but you’re feeling stressed, you might choose to listen to calming music or read a book to help bring your stress levels down. On the other hand, if you need energy for a big meeting or an athletic event, you might engage in activities that help you feel more alert. Sometimes, adapting also means changing your environment—like moving to a quieter room if you’re feeling overstimulated. This skill of adapting is often referred to as “self-regulation,” because it’s all about using tools or strategies to bring yourself back into a balanced state.
3. Maintain ⚖️
Once you’ve identified your internal state and adapted it to match the situation, the next challenge is maintaining that regulation. This means staying in that optimal state long enough to complete the task effectively. For example, someone trying to de-escalate an argument might successfully calm themselves down, but if they can’t maintain that calm for long, they might find themselves blowing up again just a few minutes later. Maintaining regulation is about keeping your emotional and physiological state in balance over time.
Practical application: Where to start
If we want to help someone regulate, we need to be clear about which part of the regulation process they’re struggling with. Sometimes, the issue can be at all three stages! For instance, it’s not helpful to teach someone breathing exercises if they can’t even identify when they’re feeling overwhelmed and need to use those tools. Understanding whether someone is having trouble identifying, adapting, or maintaining their state will guide how we approach supporting them. Working with families, schools, and children to support regulation is a passion of mine. If this is something you’re looking for help with, feel free to reach out to me below!
Your turn!
While regulation is a complex topic, I hope this provides a helpful framework for thinking about it. Now it’s your turn to reflect:
⭐ How would you define regulation? Or how have you heard it explained?
⭐ What activities, hobbies or other strategies do you personally use to stay regulated?
Stay tuned for more posts as we dive deeper into the topic of regulation in future content. Until next time!
— Reuben